Every year Wimbledon fans ask themselves the same question. Why are strawberries so expensive? What is the length of the center court grass? And how on earth does Andrew Castle keep his job?
Somehow, the former world number 80 has become the BBC’s chief tennis commentator. No one really knows why, it just happened, five sets suddenly became three sets in men’s doubles.
On Sunday, the disastrous Castle led the broadcast team of Tim Henman and Todd Woodbridge in coverage of what Annabel Croft aptly called the Gentlemen’s Singles Final. And with Novak Djokovic and Carlos Alcaraz duking it out on court, he wasted no time proving why he inspires millions of viewers every year – reaching for the mute button.
‘It’s not a computer game if you just turn on,’ he quipped at the start of the match. Unpleasant! ‘Winning a Grand Slam before reaching the age of 21 is a rarity, it’s been done many times,’ he later said. Confusing!
‘You only get one point for each of these points,’ he loudly informs us at one point. Totally amazing, love his commentary so much. To be honest, I was completely lost in the various explanations as to why the Center Court crowd was cheering and/or cheering for Djokovic as the match progressed.
‘I am not sure we all do not understand despair,’ said he sympathetically; A double negative of complete nonsense to excuse Djokovic pushing his racket into the net post like a madman trying to fall an oak in a single stroke.
‘You can understand how upset he will be, he lost his serve in the fifth set,’ was the smooth excuse.
‘He seems mildly annoyed by the support his opponent is getting,’ we were informed. But what was she? ‘No, he’ll hate it if we all start cheering for him.’ But will he? ‘He’ll get a taste of the competition now.’ But why? ‘Cause it’s not exactly a crowd that doesn’t love a champion.’
I wasn’t the only one who was confused.
Australian tennis player Nick Kyrgios tweeted, ‘That clown in the commentator’s box shouldn’t just talk. ‘He’s spoiling the match big time.’
And was it my imagination, or was there a general pitter-patter of light patronage when discussing Carlos Alcaraz? In the pre-match build-up, Clare Balding was interviewing Henman and Woodbridge and these wise heads all agreed that ‘not one senior player thinks Alcaraz can win this match’.
In the box during the match, the 20-year-old was described as the ‘young Spaniard’; ‘This talented Spaniard’; and ‘elastic’ Spaniards. When he won with a thrilling volley, it was ‘the Spaniard’s winning blow.’
It is notable that no one called Djokovic ‘the old Serb’, ‘the surly Serb’ or ‘the bendy-wendy Serb’, although there was ample reason. Indeed, Castle’s growing support for Djokovic did not waver throughout the five-hour match; Not when the player was in a bad mood, not when he was hungry, not even when he lost.
‘Nobody beats Djokovic for stamina,’ he gushed to a flurry of fanboy adoration. ‘He’s just letting it out a bit,’ he explained calmly, while an angry Djokovic mumbled about something or other.
‘I am not sure we all do not understand despair,’ said he sympathetically; A double negative of complete bullshit, Djokovic tried to make an oak fall on a single stroke like a madman to excuse himself from slamming his racket into the net post.
Every year Wimbledon fans ask themselves the same question. Why are strawberries so expensive? What is the length of the center court grass? And how on earth does Andrew Castle keep his job?
Spain’s Carlos Alcaraz hits a backhand against Serbia’s Novak Djokovic in the men’s singles final.
Djokovic hits a backhand shot against Alcaraz
A moment of pure joy as the 20-year-old Spaniard celebrates his victory
Alcaraz gestures to the crowd during the Wimbledon final against Djokovic
‘You can understand how upset he will be, he lost his serve in the fifth set,’ was the smooth excuse.
Next to him, All England club company man Tim Henman didn’t fare much better. ‘Let’s move on,’ he says, further discussing the character moment.
And when Djokovic took a long bathroom break, he was there to fill us in on Wimbledon plumbing. ‘Both players have their own waiting room and bathroom facilities,’ he droned. Four ply or quilt? I don’t want to know. If Andrew Castle is bad in action, he’s even worse in downtimes, filling match lulls with inane chatter that sometimes veers into the backcourt in bad taste. He has no filter!
She chatted about how her colleague Annabel Croft lost her husband earlier in the year and there is a memorial on Thursday, and how Prince Louis wasn’t in the royal box with his family because he couldn’t be trusted to behave properly. At one point early on, when Alcarez had yet to win a game, the cameras panned over a delicious Brad Pitt in the crowd.
‘How does he feel at 59?’ Andrew said. There are many such moments, when one wonders if he is commenting professionally or just thinking out loud.
What was unforgivable was that even in his moment of ultimate victory, Castle couldn’t drop the underdog a bone. Poor Carlos Alcaraz was still a secondary citizen, still mentioned in Djokovic’s defeats rather than his own.
‘He’s beaten the best of all time, he’s beaten a virtually unbeatable man on this court,’ he grumbled. ‘This win certainly doesn’t diminish Djokovic.’
But actually Andrew, it did. He came second. He lost.
‘He’ll be back,’ insisted the commentator.
Maybe so. But what will he do? Fingers crossed.